You have been on a first date and now you’re trying to follow up on your first date encounter. If you’re not getting a response then it’s mostly likely this person is just not interested in a second date. So let’s figure out what may have gone wrong.
It’s almost a fact, a certain common knowledge, something that even our grandmas and grandpas knew “finding a person that truly understands you, respects you, loves you and cares about you” is as hard as finding the answer to the riddle that Einstein proposed, in which he asserted that 98% of the world population would not be able to solve it, but 2% would. Very similar to the small percentage of the population that finds their soul mate on a first date.
Were You A Good Listener?
If you have an idea of what I mean, and if you think it’s easy, well… It’s obvious that you are part of that 2%. For the rest of us mortals, here comes the tricky part. To find your beloved one you need to meet people, talk to them, get to know their morals, interests, favorite food, and the list goes on and on, but it can be summarized in one word: “dating”.
Doing What Comes Natural
For some people dating is easy, they don’t feel pressured to do things in a way that makes the other person feel good. They are just themselves, and that’s exactly what all of us should do. If the person you are on a date with doesn’t like your behavior or the date itself, it’s ok! No one says you must be adored by everyone, just like you’re not going to like all the girls/guys you’ll hang out with.
Were you moving too fast?
There will come a moment when perfection will be the feeling that drags you all in. Other times it becomes a guessing game and sometimes you’ll feel naïve because the other person was looking to jump in so fast and you’re not, or vice versa. It’s hard to know where the other person is at in life or how they take steps toward building a relationship. Partners need to continually work at finding mutual ground.
Clear The Road Ahead
If your partner isn’t willing to take the next step then one of these minor mistakes may have been a major road block for them. To help you point out where the train might have fallen off the tracks, we’ve made a list of the reasons why almost 50% of all first dates, never make it to a second date:
In no particular order
#1 Back To The Future
– Of course you’re not going to be described as Clingy just yet, but you may have given off that impression. If you make a lot of mentions that are somewhere along the lines of “Yes, we will go there together” or “When you meet my parents” it can give off a clingy and somewhat desperate vibe. This girl/guy just met you and you’re already trying to plan out their future? One of the best things about being single is the freedom. Who knows if this person is ready for that, not to mention they’re still trying to figure out how she feels about you! Don’t make any future plans that include her/him without knowing if she/he wants to see you again first.
#2 Talks Too Much
– Because you never stop talking so much and don’t listen to what the other one wants to tell you! In a first encounter never answer more than three questions about yourself, because for your partner the date will become a boring monologue, and will also feel that you are not interested in knowing about his/her life, work and passions. If you didn’t show much interest in what they had to say then there probably wont be a second date.
#3 Too Judgmental
– Maybe you’re judging everything, but you shouldn’t, not just by the well-known saying “What Susie says of Sally says more of Susie than of Sally”, but also because you do not know this person, and you can say an offensive comment towards something that this person values a lot.
#4 Friends With Benefits
– A lot of dates go wrong because people seek very different things. So my advice is to be clear from the beginning and say what you want. Cut to the chase if you’re looking for a lasting relationship, or if you’re just looking for a friend with benefits. Forget about a second date, you might have been able to clear this up before the first date.
#5 Bad Mamajama
– There probably won’t be a second date if you’re rude to this person. It might sound obvious, but a lot of recent surveys show that a lot of men like to portray themselves as bad asses because they think women are attracted to this, when in fact it’s the opposite.
#6 You’re Insecure
– Confidence is the most beautiful attribute, so a lot of second dates never get to happen because one person shows way too much insecurity. Next time don’t zone out when asked a question or look unsure after answering. If they start looking away and you start looking away, you both know you want to get the bleep out of their! This awkward situation is now one for the books.
#7 Culture Differences
– Sometimes these can be amazing experiences, to meet a complete new or unknown world, but sometimes these differences may look like hell: when she thinks, he should pay for everything and he splits the bill, he’ll go and think she’s an opportunist and she’ll go and think he isn’t a gentleman. But besides money, different cultures may have different sets of roles expected of there partner. If he or she things you haven’t shown you can fulfill those then you may have lost them.
#8 Seeing The Truth
– Lies, that big little friend that you use to make yourself look like a more interesting person, could be a double-edged sword, because if the person you are dating is very perceptive, they will feel your lies and won’t like a second date.
#9 Inappropriate Comments
– Asking “How much do you make?” when you first meet someone, is always a good way to make sure that you never get a second date with that person.
#10 Who Brings Up Their Ex?
– Golden rule: don’t talk about your ex, please! If your date feels like you are not over your past, he or she probably won’t want to see you again, because they will feel like they are interrupting an unfinished story.
#11 The Conversation Got Serious
– If you’re the type of person who likes argue about everything and never let it go of a dispute without feeling you won, it will definitely be a reason for your date to never want to talk to you again. A second date shouldn’t be stressful nor the first.
#12 You’re A Slob
– Going unkempt will never help your date feel important. He or she will think that you only met them because it was a commitment and not because you really care to make a good impression. You do not need to spend thousands of dollars on expensive clothes or anything like that. Just be yourself but in a clean and arranged version for the occasion.
#13 Control Your Eyes
– When the first date happens with a group of friends, if the one you’re dating sees you flirting with the other women or men in the group, this will not help you to win any points for a second encounter. Respect your date because it was your decision to have been accompanied.
#14 Bad Humor
-Trying to be funny but looking kind of pathetic it’s a common mistake committed by many. But if your date has the right humor maybe they’ll like it.
#15 Picking The Wrong Place
-First dates are usually a quite fancy diner, so criticizing your partner’s choice of food won’t be a very good way to start the night. This person will spend a very unpleasant time with you, and by no means will want to date you again.
Take Me Away! A Secret Place
At the end of the day, dating is cool, because you’ll meet new people, and if it turns out there not your perfect match, you might still just make a new friend. Even if you don’t, you shouldn’t look at that first date as a lost cause. Think of it as good practice. Maybe you’ve been out of the game for a bit. Re learn what makes people the desired and desirable, and keep throwing yourself back out there. Sooner or later someone will show you their pocket full of sunshine! ~Natasha Bedingfield